So, who is this average woman and what makes her so average?
My story is one of constant growth and changes. I've made mistakes which have sometimes caused me to hide in despair. I've had successes which have encouraged me to keep on trudging along...
First of all, I am a Christian. I believe in God as a loving relational Creator. I believe that all people have sinned and need to pay the price for
their sin yet it is impossible for us to do this by our own efforts. I believe that Jesus Christ is both God and human, that he lived on earth and never sinned, and that he willingly died as a sacrifice for our sins and rose to life 3 days later and now lives in heaven as an advocate for those who believe in him. I believe that Jesus paid the price for our sin and that when we have faith in that action, our debt is paid and we are reconciled to God and can have a relationship with Him. I believe in the trinity, that God is 3 persons in one - Father, Son and Holy Spirit. I believe in the Bible as the inspired Word of God and it teaches and trains us how to live a right life.
Why do I believe all this? Well, I grew up with loving and wise parents who also believed the above statements and taught me what they believed and nurtured that teaching through lifestyle and church attendance. I had a happy childhood - only girl in the middle of 2 brothers. We enjoyed lots of fun-filled family time - hiking, camping, bike riding, tree climbing, ice skating, sledding, etc. And I grew up "in the church" - meaning we attended church often and I was taught these beliefs and have believed them for as long as I can remember. BUT... this does not mean that I am a mindless drone who just believes because that is all I know. Oh no. Far from it.
I had a day - or should I say a year - of reckoning when I was 20 years old and on a missions trip. But I will get back to that. First, let me rewind a bit to tell you about my teen years. Having grown up listening to bible stories and Sunday sermons, the perfectionist in me really struggled with living up to the standards that I thought were expected of me. I seemed to focus on the understanding that I was a sinner who could never measure up rather than the fact that God loved me and saved me, through faith, no matter what. I decided when I was 15 that the "Christian" life was too hard and I decided I was going to have fun living and doing whatever I wanted. I began to smoke and party. I did pot and had sex with my boyfriend. I thought that this lifestyle gave me more freedom than living under God's strict rules. But I was wrong.
After a few years of living this lifestyle I began to feel very unfulfilled. Sure, all of these actions were momentarily gratifying but I felt like I was missing something much bigger. I knew that it was God.
In the summer of '96 I went to bible camp and read Ephesians 2:8 on a banner at the front of the chapel. It reads: "For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith - and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God." Wow. I was struck. Finally it had sunk in! I was saved by grace... By grace! Not by how good of a girl I was or how many rules I followed perfectly but pure and simple by what Christ had done for me even though I didn't (and still don't) deserve it.
... I guess I had always known in my head that it didn't matter what I did or didn't do but I hadn't lived it in my heart.
After that night at camp, God began to work in my life, to slowly change me. I began to study the Bible in earnest. Not just reading it but doing in depth bible studies. I prayed and worshiped God in song at home and at church because I wanted to spend as much focused time with God as possible. I began to truly love God in heart and in action. It wasn't for another year before I felt it was time to break up with my boyfriend. It wasn't so much that I thought it was such a bad relationship (although it wasn't great), but it was because I couldn't talk with him about my relationship with God. He was so closed to any discussion that involved God or church, even if it was to just tell him a funny story that happened at bible study that night. How could I be with a guy who I couldn't talk with about this huge part of my life? We broke up. It sucked at the time but looking back now I of course am very glad to have done it.
I still made mistakes in the following months and years. I still make mistakes today and every day. But its not so much that God has a list of rules that I fail at keeping. Its that I don't always live my life in as much freedom as I could. Because though you may think that God's way is controlling and strict, it is not. To forgive, serve, hope and love, to resist addictions that control me physically or avoid sexual promiscuity that leaves me feeling used and unloved - that is true freedom.
And so, my day of reckoning. Since '96 I've gone on a few mission trips and completed bible college to earn a Bachelors Degree in Religious Education. Now I am a wife and mother of 2. I've worked as a day home provider watching up to 5 kids, including my own, in my own home, for the last 4 years. Currently I am taking a break from the day home and looking for some ho-hum evening job just to make a living while I figure out a career path. My mom passed away in '09 from cancer. It happened fast and furious and I have a long story of its own to share in another post some time. I would say that the 1st half of my life I was learning about grace. This 2nd half of my life I have been learning about faith.
From '98-'99 I was on a 10 month long missions trip. During this trip I began to have a lot of questions about the Bible. I began to seriously question if Jesus, the Bible and the God of the Bible were true. These questions shook my faith to its very core. One night I was supposed to teach an object lesson about faith to some kids in downtown Vancouver. I likened having faith in God and Jesus to sitting down in a chair that appeared to be stable but wouldn't know for sure until I sat in it. Man. That was hard. I was doing the actions and saying the words by rote as my inner dialogue raged. How could I teach this to kids when I wasn't even sure if it was true? I honestly didn't know if I could sit down in that chair because I began to take it very personally. I felt that it wasn't just an object lesson anymore. I was speaking these words about faith to myself and if I sat in that chair then that was me deciding to have faith in God and His Word despite my doubts... I sat in the chair.
Sitting in the chair did not mean I had blind faith though. I had already read some answers from some smart people to the questions I had asked. After sitting in the chair I began to research even more and then went to bible college the next year. A lot of questions were answered but I can't say I never have questions anymore, even to this day. Just like when I still sin and make mistakes after understanding God's grace, I still have questions and doubts after having faith. I think this is good. It spurs me on to continually seek answers and to understand the Bible, as best as I can, for myself rather than just whatever I am told.
I am an average woman because I am not perfect. I have stories to tell and life experiences to share. I have hobbies and goals to encourage others with but most of all, I have a God who loves me and loves you no matter how good or how bad we are and I want to testify of His Greatness. Through each of my posts, no matter what the topic, I want to be totally honest and share the imperfect along with the... well, the fairly good. My life, my home, my hobbies, my marriage and parenting skills are not picture perfect. But at least I'm still trudging through, doing the best I can. And if you've made it this far in my story, I hope you keep on reading my future posts and are encouraged through it all.
After a few years of living this lifestyle I began to feel very unfulfilled. Sure, all of these actions were momentarily gratifying but I felt like I was missing something much bigger. I knew that it was God.
In the summer of '96 I went to bible camp and read Ephesians 2:8 on a banner at the front of the chapel. It reads: "For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith - and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God." Wow. I was struck. Finally it had sunk in! I was saved by grace... By grace! Not by how good of a girl I was or how many rules I followed perfectly but pure and simple by what Christ had done for me even though I didn't (and still don't) deserve it.
... I guess I had always known in my head that it didn't matter what I did or didn't do but I hadn't lived it in my heart.
After that night at camp, God began to work in my life, to slowly change me. I began to study the Bible in earnest. Not just reading it but doing in depth bible studies. I prayed and worshiped God in song at home and at church because I wanted to spend as much focused time with God as possible. I began to truly love God in heart and in action. It wasn't for another year before I felt it was time to break up with my boyfriend. It wasn't so much that I thought it was such a bad relationship (although it wasn't great), but it was because I couldn't talk with him about my relationship with God. He was so closed to any discussion that involved God or church, even if it was to just tell him a funny story that happened at bible study that night. How could I be with a guy who I couldn't talk with about this huge part of my life? We broke up. It sucked at the time but looking back now I of course am very glad to have done it.
I still made mistakes in the following months and years. I still make mistakes today and every day. But its not so much that God has a list of rules that I fail at keeping. Its that I don't always live my life in as much freedom as I could. Because though you may think that God's way is controlling and strict, it is not. To forgive, serve, hope and love, to resist addictions that control me physically or avoid sexual promiscuity that leaves me feeling used and unloved - that is true freedom.
And so, my day of reckoning. Since '96 I've gone on a few mission trips and completed bible college to earn a Bachelors Degree in Religious Education. Now I am a wife and mother of 2. I've worked as a day home provider watching up to 5 kids, including my own, in my own home, for the last 4 years. Currently I am taking a break from the day home and looking for some ho-hum evening job just to make a living while I figure out a career path. My mom passed away in '09 from cancer. It happened fast and furious and I have a long story of its own to share in another post some time. I would say that the 1st half of my life I was learning about grace. This 2nd half of my life I have been learning about faith.
From '98-'99 I was on a 10 month long missions trip. During this trip I began to have a lot of questions about the Bible. I began to seriously question if Jesus, the Bible and the God of the Bible were true. These questions shook my faith to its very core. One night I was supposed to teach an object lesson about faith to some kids in downtown Vancouver. I likened having faith in God and Jesus to sitting down in a chair that appeared to be stable but wouldn't know for sure until I sat in it. Man. That was hard. I was doing the actions and saying the words by rote as my inner dialogue raged. How could I teach this to kids when I wasn't even sure if it was true? I honestly didn't know if I could sit down in that chair because I began to take it very personally. I felt that it wasn't just an object lesson anymore. I was speaking these words about faith to myself and if I sat in that chair then that was me deciding to have faith in God and His Word despite my doubts... I sat in the chair.
Sitting in the chair did not mean I had blind faith though. I had already read some answers from some smart people to the questions I had asked. After sitting in the chair I began to research even more and then went to bible college the next year. A lot of questions were answered but I can't say I never have questions anymore, even to this day. Just like when I still sin and make mistakes after understanding God's grace, I still have questions and doubts after having faith. I think this is good. It spurs me on to continually seek answers and to understand the Bible, as best as I can, for myself rather than just whatever I am told.
I am an average woman because I am not perfect. I have stories to tell and life experiences to share. I have hobbies and goals to encourage others with but most of all, I have a God who loves me and loves you no matter how good or how bad we are and I want to testify of His Greatness. Through each of my posts, no matter what the topic, I want to be totally honest and share the imperfect along with the... well, the fairly good. My life, my home, my hobbies, my marriage and parenting skills are not picture perfect. But at least I'm still trudging through, doing the best I can. And if you've made it this far in my story, I hope you keep on reading my future posts and are encouraged through it all.
Very encouraging to read Megs! It is good for me to hear and be reminded that it is NOT through my works, good or bad, but grace that the Lord loves me and will care for me ALWAYS!
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I'm glad you were encouraged. Love, grace, faith are so important and probably the hardest to grasp.
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