To Write or Not to Write

I'm having second thoughts about starting this blog. I feel like such a flake but it is what it is. I've been writing. I have 7 posts started. I just haven't published them. I've even had this post written for a week. I just can't seem to click that publish button! Part of the problem is that I am afraid of being judged. I started the blog thinking that I would share about hobbies, interests, my life and my thoughts on different topics. The problem is that now I find myself mostly just wanting to share my thoughts which basically makes this a public diary for all to read. I don't know about you but I don't particularly want everybody and anybody to read my diary!

Sure I could back off and mainly just share about my hobbies and life but then I still can't help but add what I thought or how I feel about these different events and interests. I could just limit how much I share but then I feel like I'm not being as honest as I would like. I am very afraid of being judged. If I only share the positive thoughts and events, then I may be judged as being fake because life isn't always positive. If I share about a personal struggle, then I could be judged in a wide number of ways. I could be a poor writer. I could be a debbie downer. I could be too insecure, a bad parent, uneducated, untalented, misunderstood. Or I could be considered a know-it-all, bragging, proud, arrogant, pretentious. The possibilities are endless. Basically, I now realize that putting my thoughts out there for all to read is a really vulnerable place to be and I'm not sure I have thick enough skin to handle it. 

And so I find myself at a stand still. Should I write or should I not write. Do I put myself out there or are there better ways to communicate and share my thoughts, ideas and opinions.

Now please don't misunderstand me. I am not looking for an ego boost here. I've taken a week to publish this post for fear of being misunderstood. I am simply being honest and wanted to let people know why I haven't written for 2 weeks. Of course, I always appreciate words of encouragement. It is my love language. I thrive on encouragement! But it is not what I am seeking through this post. If anything, I am hoping to hear promises of not being judged. But really, I don't need to hear anything at all. I'm just dipping my toes into the water, treading slowly and carefully and we'll see how it goes from there.

I don't know yet if I will continue blogging. I guess only time will tell. But one thing I will definitely write about before quitting (if I quit) is my mom. When she was sick I wrote notes on Facebook to keep people updated on how she was doing. The last note I wrote said that she was doing well. A month later she passed away. It all happened so fast I never had a chance to share what was going on or how I was doing afterwards. I really want to share about her last week as well as my grief process. So, at the very least I will write about all that. If I continue to write about other topics, we shall see.

New Style

I got my hair done! Well, I got it done 2 weeks ago and am finally posting the pics. Its been over a year since I last had a hair cut. Seriously! I last had it cut in December 2010. Here are the before and after pics. What do you think?

I feel now like I'm back in my own skin. I haven't had color put in since... wow, since we lived in Ontario, so over 6 years. My hair is quite thick so when it's long it takes me about 20 minutes just to blow dry, never mind style or anything. I'm not exaggerating! I've taken to pulling my wet hair into ponytails and buns. Not too exciting. 

I love that feeling of a weight being lifted off my head after a hair cut. And I love the excitement I feel when I'm washing my hair and realize how little shampoo I need to use. And I love that the time it takes me to dry and style my hair has gone from 20+ minutes to 2-5 minutes. Its very exciting for me :)

So, here's to a new average me. Cheers!

List Maker

I think it is time for me to write something a little more light-hearted. So, I decided to write about lists. I love making lists! I am a list lover. I will write a list just for something to do when I am bored. I love lists so much that I will even write a to-do list after I have completed all the to-do tasks (I also really enjoy checking everything off the already completed to-do list). 

So, I have decided now to share with you a list about lists :)


Here are my 5 favorite list topics:

1. An endless amount of favorites - favorite movies, favorite books, favorite songs, etc. (You name it, I will write a list for it, and probably even categorize it).


2. To-do list (which never ends).


3. Things I want to learn about/Books I want to read/Things I want to learn how to do (I wrote a list in junior high that included wanting to learn sign language. In high school I learned to sign the alphabet. When my daughter was born I learned some baby sign language with her. It was so much fun!)


4. Topics to write/blog about (I have 20 listed in my notebook now).

5. Things not to post on Facebook. ;)